


and I wonder (when I sing along with you)

by bluemoontide



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, but close fam, close, here I go, hoo boy, not quite smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:51:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemoontide/pseuds/bluemoontide
Summary: She doesn’t say much, she just sort of runs her hands up his chest and looks right into his eyes. Right into his soul. He knows what she wants and he’s too young and stupid to think twice about it.orThree times they sleep together.





	and I wonder (when I sing along with you)

**Author's Note:**

> tw for m*rina z*eva
> 
> the lyrics are from the foo fighters' classic 'everlong' (fun fact: i discovered today that it was chandler and monica's wedding song on friends! I think i knew that once but I forgot.)
> 
> you know...i didn't think i'd ever write and publish this kind of content and uhh...it happened anyway. whoops.
> 
> *christian's voice from mr* this is a story about lo...sex.

_Hello_  
_I've waited here for you_  
_Everlong_  
_Tonight_  
_I throw myself into_  
_And out of the red_ _  
_ Out of her head she sang

 

The first time it happens, they’re both pretty young. Both of them have been dating other people casually since they were fifteen, but no one as important as each other, at least not the way Scott sees it.

She doesn’t say much, she just sort of runs her hands up his chest and looks right into his eyes. Right into his soul. He knows what she wants and he’s too young and stupid to think twice about it.

It starts slow and he’s gentle with her. They don’t talk about sex, but he thinks she’s done this before.

He asks one more time just to be sure.

“Is this okay?”

She looks right into his eyes again and it's almost too much.

“Yes,” is all she says. It’s all he needs.

He enters into her like a sigh. Like this his how things should always be.

She’s so much different than the others he’s been with; still soft and warm, but he _feels_ her better than the others. He’s hyper-aware of every motion, every breath, and every heartbeat she takes.

When she comes it’s quiet and soft. He knows he could have helped her more, but as her sides squeeze around him, there’s no time to think of that because it's over for him. He falls apart with gasp and curse like a sucker punch to the gut.

He collapses over her, trying to keep his weight off of her as much as possible. When he pulls out she whimpers a little and he kisses her softly, hoping it offers some kind of comfort.

She moves away from him a little, and although it startles him he’s not surprised. He knows her so well. He knows how she can be sometimes, and he’d be stupid if he didn’t give her space when she needed it.

What surprises him the most is how she sits up with her knees pulled against her, almost guarded. He tries not to be upset by it, but he can't help but shoot her a questioning look. He really hopes he didn't mess everything up. She smiles softly (maybe a little sad) and strokes his hair gently.

“Uh, thank you. I’ve um...I’ve never done that before.”

Scott bolts upright, “Tessa—”

“No, shhh it’s okay! I wanted it like this. I wanted it to be…” She seems to struggle over what to say next. “Someone I trust.”

He softens a little at that and tries to ignore the sinking feeling that squeezes in his chest.

“Okay,” is what he says because he doesn’t know what else to say.

She kisses his cheek, and without saying another word she's up and gathering her clothes.

She goes to the bathroom for a few minutes and comes out fully dressed. She scoops up her purse and smiles at him over her shoulder, almost a little shy.

“I’ll see you at practice tomorrow, okay?”

Scott just nods dumbly and watches her leave.

They never talk about it again.  

 

_Come down_

_And waste away with me_

_Down with me_

_Slow how_

_You wanted it to be_

_I'm over my head_

_Out of her head she sang_

 

The second time Scott almost expects it. They’ve been getting tangled up after practices and in dark corners; hurried and desperate, vying for a little relief from their program, their coaches, and from the tension between each other.

It starts off angry after Tessa says they should look at switching coaches. Both their eyes are bright with anger one minute and pained with apologies the next.

He asks her if they’re okay, and she says she doesn’t know. He kisses her then, because it’s the scariest thing she’s ever said to him and he wants to make it better. A week after that they have a terrible practice: she falls so many times. After she cries in his arms so he kisses her again because he still doesn’t know how to fix it.

So the second time is not a surprise because it’s a week after that terrible practice, and Marina told Tessa her cheeks were getting chubby again and she just didn’t look mature enough, and this needed to be a mature program.

Scott chews his water bottle a little harder instead of saying something since this is the last training day they have before Marina leaves for two weeks, and getting into a fight wasn’t going to help anyone skate better.

It's later that Tessa shows up and all but falls into him. It’s fast and rough and they don’t even get all of their clothes off the first time.

That wasn’t surprising, but was surprising was that she stayed. He stirs in the meager light of early morning and finds her already awake, eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“Tessa?”

She doesn’t look at him. “Sorry about this tonight. I know you’re with…”

“Shhh,” he says. He’s not ready to think about anything outside this exact moment. “I knew what I was doing, T.”

She laughs humorlessly in response. “I’m glad one of us does.”

He can’t help but smile because that’s Tessa. That dark sense of humour is one of the things he loves about her.

He tries not to dwell on that though, because he could spend days thinking about all the things he loves about her.

“I also know that you’re beautiful,” he says softly turning her head so she’s looking at him, “and I know that Marina is full of shit.”

Tessa smiles a little at that. She rests her hand on his cheek so that they’re a mirror image of each other.

They can pretend that they’re two lovers safe in each other's embrace, and not skating partners who are supposed to be keeping things platonic and professional.

“Thank you.” She says so softly he barely hears her. Then she’s kissing him again. Slow and soft like they have all the time in the world. Like every second they spend in his room isn’t stolen.

He savours every breath and prays for the morning not to come. He imagines it’s just the two of them here alone until the end of time, until nothing else can touch them.

  
_Breathe out_

_So I can breathe you in_

_Hold you in_

_And now_

_I know you've always been_

_Out of your head_

_Out of my head I sang_

 

The third time it happens everything is different. Planned, coordinated, and squeezed in over a rare free weekend during their very hectic two year plan.

He makes them dinner because she loves it when he cooks for them. She can hug him all she wants and they don’t have to worry about the prying eyes and unasked questions they often encounter when they eat out together.

They make-out a little as the noodles boil and Tessa says it’s okay because she doesn’t mind it when the noodles are a little squishy anyway.

He’s nervous and he knows she can tell because of course she can. Their energies are two shortwave radios stuck on some obscure channel neither one of them knows how to switch off. Most of the time it’s great, but sometimes he wishes she couldn’t read his mind so well.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asks.

“Well I mean, the noodles aren’t really that squishy after all that…”

“Scott.”

“Tess.”

She smiles knowingly and rises to meet him at his chair. He doesn’t stand because there not many things more comforting to him than letting her cradle his head against her chest like she is now.

“We’ve never been great with talking about this, have we?” She says simply.

He laughs and it’s a little muffled in her embrace. “Our one weakness.”

She pauses for a moment and just strokes his hair idly. He relaxes without meaning to and lets his breathing sync up to hers like the reflex it has become. Her scent surrounds him and makes him dizzy in the best way. He wraps his arms around and squeezes, hoping she can feel how much he needed this.

“I know you love me.” She offers.

“I do.”

“And you know I love you.”

“ _You do?_ ” He says with mock surprise. She laughs warmly and it makes his heart swell to hear her warm laugh drown out any doubt he may have.

“That’s all that matters, so let’s go upstairs.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. Before he knows it they’re up in her bedroom and her hands are everywhere. At some point they’ve discarded all of their clothes except his boxers and her adorable little boy-short underwear that hug the underside of her ass in the sexiest way imaginable. That’s where his hands are right now and he says between kisses, “I love this, but they need to go.”

“Whatever you say,” she breathes out, and that all it takes.

He uses one hand to pull the underwear down and the other to guide her to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He kneels and grins up at her wickedly from between her thighs.

“Ready?”

Her breath is coming in heaves and her hand buries itself in his hair and tugs ever-so-slightly.

“You tell me,” she says by way of answer and guides his mouth to her centre.

He loves bossy Tessa, and it doesn’t take long to determine that she is more than ready for him.

He strokes her folds with his tongue and elicits some positively delicious noises from her. He suspects this probably won’t take too long, so he wastes no time in pressing one finger, then two into her as his tongue works around her clit. She tugs his hair again and gasps sharply. He has to stop from pressing himself against the bed for a little relief.

He pumps in and out with his fingers a few times and soon he can feel the tension through her legs and torso. He curls his fingers in just the right spot and she gasps his name followed by a soft whisper of _“please”._ So he curls his fingers again and sucks hard. Her thighs squeeze around his face and he licks her gently through her waves.

When she slumps against him, he pulls back a little and takes his time kissing his way up, lingering a little on her belly button ring. (He’s going to find out where she had that done so he can send them a gift card or something, he’s so grateful for it.)

She gets impatient with him when he lingers at her collarbone a little too long, and pulls his face up to meet hers, pressing her mouth hard against his.

He tries not to think too much about how she must taste herself off of him since he is already uncomfortably hard.

“Scott,” she says pulling away so she can look him in the eyes.

Hers are unfocused and her cheeks are still flushed from before. He is so, so in love with her.

“Yes, dear?” He says simply as if he’s not dying to fuck her better than she’s ever had before.

“Finish what you started.” She says. Her voice is all thoaty and she’s sliding his boxers down a little with her free hand.

He helps her out and slides them the rest of the way down. He steps out of them, and lays her back on the bed, following her down.

He kisses her and lines himself up at her entrance as she shifts her legs over and around his hips.

“Yes?” He asks.

“ _Y_ _es!”_ She replies, sounding little exasperated. He can’t help but laugh a little.

Next he’s pushing in and it’s everything he remembers. Her warm walls welcome him with a slick embrace and there is nothing _nothing_ that could convince him that they were not made for each other in every possible way.

He lets out a shuddering breath and strokes her cheek with his thumb as he pulls back a little before sinking back in. She throws her head back and grips at his hair again, pulling his face against her neck.

He kisses and nips at her there. He's sure he will find a mark there tomorrow, but he has a feeling Tessa doesn’t particularly care at the moment.

He sets a pace and prays that she’s as close as he thinks she is because he’s really not sure if he can make it much longer.

He palms her breast, sucks on her neck, and with a firm thrust she’s arched against him, mouth hung open in a wordless cry.

He tumbles right after her and jerks in unevenly as he rides out the rush.

They’re both gasping for air and utterly spent, tangled amongst sheets and each other.

“So,” he tries with a forced calm. “See you at practice tomorrow?”

She laughs, really and truly _laughs_ as she pulls him in a little closer (as if it’s possible for them to be closer than they already are).

“ _Scott_ what a call back! I can’t believe you remember that!”

He smiles a little bitter-sweetly and reminds himself that things are great now, so that old wound probably shouldn’t sting anymore.

(It’s really more of a dull ache nowadays.)

“How could I forget? It’s okay though, I love you anyway.” He tries to brighten his tone, but he may have already give too much away. 

She strokes his sweaty hair out of his face and looks at him as a flash of remorse dims her expression. He instantly regrets going there in the first place. There had to be a better time and place to talk about old wounds and unresolved feelings than in the fuzzy afterglow they find themselves in tonight.

“I love you.” She whispers, punctuating it with a kiss. “I really am sorry though.”

“Tessa, really it’s okay. I shouldn’t have joked about that…”

“No, not just about that. I mean I’m sorry it took me so long.”

Scott screws his eyebrows together, “What—”

“You were the first person I ever slept with, and I think I thought I could replicate what I felt with you with someone else. I’m not sure why, maybe because it was safer? Anyway I pushed away and never talked about it because I didn’t know how. Those times with you were better than anything else I’ve ever felt, and I was scared of it. You deserved more. I owed you an explanation I didn’t even have yet.”

She swallows and he can see the wheels turning in her head. “Now it’s different, because now I know exactly what you mean to me. It turns out that for me you are everything. And um, I never want to lose that feeling again.”

_And I wonder_

_If everything could ever feel this real forever_

_If anything could ever be this good again_

_The only thing I'll ever ask of you_

_You've got to promise not to stop when I say when_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so this is unbeta'd...get at me if you see some mistakes!


End file.
